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The Squirrel: Garden Menace, Military Strategist

We now know what we’ve suspected all along: We humans are no match for our garden foe, the squirrel.

The squirrel is wily, devious, clever and fast on its paws. This creature is also a master of deceptive tactics. The brainiacs at Georgia Institute of Technology made this discovery and are busy analyzing squirrels with the intent of using certain aspects of their behavior in the design of military robots. Good for them. It’s about time someone stopped throwing sticks and rocks at squirrels, shrieking and cursing at them, and devising ways to trap and kill them. Squirrels are finally getting the recognition and respect they deserve.

Professor Ronald Arkin and his team at Georgia Tech’s school of interactive computing identified particular squirrel behaviors that are singularly useful in the strategic art of deception. One of these behaviors involves the squirrel’s habit of hiding their nut supplies.

What do squirrels do to prevent other squirrels from stealing their nut stash? Well, according to Arkin, they dig a hundred little holes in your vegetable and flower garden to distract other squirrels from finding the real nut stash. You’ve seen those empty depressions in your yard next to the bulbs and seeds you planted, right? You know that squirrels watch you while you stand there and curse, don’t you?

Anyway, Arkin and his team decided to build this technique into their robot. They’ll create a ‘predator’ robot that will visit fake ammunition locations, thereby protecting the actual stores. Brilliant.

You think I'm hiding a nut here, don't you?

You think I’m hiding a nut here, don’t you?

The article I read didn’t mention other instances of borrowing squirrel behaviors in the design of their robots. So, I’ll provide a few others.

Driving Your Enemy Insane
Squirrels, of course, are the experts of this technique. If you have dogs (if you don’t, get some), you’ve most likely watched them race up and down the fence in your yard chasing a squirrel who seems to have unlimited energy and time to do the same. Or, you’ve seen the squirrels who manage to stay just out of jaw reach, chittering and chattering at the poor, stupid beast who keeps throwing itself at the tree trunk.

Yoohoo! Hey, there, you mangy cur!

Yoohoo! Hey, there, you mangy cur!

It’s a small leap from there to design a robot that races up and down the terrain while the enemy’s vehicles burn up a full tank of gas. Meanwhile, the real robot is somewhere else, blowing up their headquarters. But I guarantee you, the enemy’s soldiers, sitting in that vehicle, will have been driven insane long before then.

Stealth Nut Bombing
You’ve experienced this; I know you have. You’re walking along the sidewalk, minding your own business and, BAM! An acorn pierces your noggin. You look up and see nothing. Nothing.

Stop attributing the incident to gravity, folks. Don’t be so trusting. Somewhere in that tree you just passed under, perches a squirrel, camouflaged by the branches. And it knows exactly when to hurl the nut at your head.

Gravity? I spit on gravity!

Gravity? I spit on gravity!

So, think about it. Camouflaged robots, perched in trees… well, you know the rest. This military tactic is even more effective in that the offended troops will stand there, for a good 15-20 minutes trying to locate the robot/squirrel in the tree. They will be driven mad when they can’t find it.

Evasive Maneuvers
Nine times out of ten, a squirrel can safely make it to the other side of a heavily trafficked street. And this is in spite of the multiple changes in direction the creature makes—back and forth, darting, stopping, turning on a dime, and befuddling the driver. You, the driver, however, now has whiplash from repeatedly slamming on the brakes (You BETTER BE slamming on the brakes!) You’re cursing. All of the crap you’ve placed on the seat next to you has catapulted to the floor. Your latte now coats the inside of your gear box. You will arrive at work in a very cranky mood.

Your car got a boo boo. Boohoo.

Your car got a boo boo. Boohoo.

Now imagine the usefulness of this evasive maneuver on the battlefield. Picture their tanks or planes zigzagging wildly while our troop robot zigzags twice as fast in a completely random fashion. I’ll bet severe whiplash could get a soldier kicked out of combat. Hundreds of troops walking around in neck braces wouldn’t inspire confidence. The chiropractor bills alone would decimate a country’s defense budget.

This post is meant to be a lighthearted look at the strategy and tactics of war. Frankly, I’d much prefer that every country’s troops learn a different behavior from squirrels: The ability to play with each other in that jubilant, joyous way they do, with no one getting hurt, ever.

Play to live. Live to play.

Play to live. Live to play.

Squirrel photos: Courtesy of the talented photographers uploading to the free image library at Morguefile.com

The Myth of Older and Wiser

Well known and cherished couplings that seem to last the test of time: Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, bacon and eggs, snow on Christmas morning, Willie Nelson and country music, and so on.

Older and wiser? Not so much.

The world presents us with enough evidence to confirm that few of us, very few, become wiser as we age. If I wanted to use data here, I’d make a case that at least 96% of the older among us are clearly not wiser.

I bet you that nearly every one of us older folks have said things like, “I’m sure glad I know what I know now.” And then we proceed to do the most foolish and hapless things—as though we’re suffering from amnesia and cannot rely on the memory of our youthful indiscretions to guide our behavior. It’s not as though examples of older NOT wiser behavior hide from view. The media, after all, thrives on them; frequent and blatant examples of careless acts are the Vitamin D of network news.

Something false resonates in Sinatra’s words, “Regrets, I’ve had a few. But I did it my way.” Because “my way” frequently includes a trip to the emergency room, unemployment, bankruptcy, jail time, divorce, or adulterous liaisons. Frankly, “my way” doesn’t exist. There is no “my way” when it comes to foolish behavior, rash encounters, and general imprudence. Because, in fact, my way too often resembles the way of so many older and NOT wiser characters. The my way is a road paved with embarrassing and painful examples of reckless behavior. We have plenty of examples around us—we have a veritable GPS of examples, yet we don’t use it.

Incapable of older and wiser

Older, NOT Wiser, and a Name to Go With It

A bit of anecdotal evidence: My father, who used to be a dentist before he retired, now behaves as though an all chocolate diet is healthy. My mother, who used to be a nurse, supports this practice. Older, not wiser.

Do this quick exercise: Make a list of all the older and wiser things you’ve done. Next to it, make a list of all the older and NOT wiser things you’ve done. Which list is longer?

The photocopy will live on

Of course, that probably wouldn’t be an accurate test because, remarkably, our memories don’t hold onto all of the unwise, irrational, thoughtless and reckless things we’ve done in our older years. Mercifully so.

In my case, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve done something older and wiser. For example, I got rid of my snowboard last month because the image of damaging my veneers and breaking a hip had come into clearer focus as time went by. Perhaps we all need to play a video in our heads of the most likely outcome of our idiotic behavior—in full color with Surround Sound. Bring popcorn and a large soda.

Grays on Trays: Recipe for Disaster

A lot of us are expressing shock and awe over the Petraeus love quadrangle. Our reaction tells others that we believe the older, more celebrated, and most powerful among us are immune to poor judgment in some areas of their lives. Why should they be?

What does this all mean?

1. Perhaps we should be less hasty in condemning others for stupid behavior.

2. It would behoove us to use the examples of the older and NOT wiser to guide our behavior. Oddly, we rarely do.

3. Most of us seem to love a gloriously colossal fall from grace. What does that say about us?

4. Humans appear to be just as reflexive in the presence of temptation as a hungry mutt. Perhaps we’re all doomed to repeat mistakes and do stupid things.

5. Don’t wait for the news to print evidence of your less wise moments to become older and wiser.

Honestly, we will NEVER learn. Stop scolding the younger generation for being irresponsible, rash and immature. Instead, repeat and repeat often, “Do as I say, not as I do.”

Dogs, Cats and Demons

Spelled backwards, “God” is “doG.” Obvious, yet filled with meaning and possibility. Personally, I believe that dogs are, in fact, the most godly of all creatures. Dogs. Not cats. Cats are servants of the devil. They’d be more than happy to escort their owners to the gates of Hell. Oh, yes, they’d look cute while doing so, but nonetheless, you’d watch as they trotted away, their tails twitching back and forth as Hell’s greeter shoved you through the gates into a fiery pit.

You see what I just did? I demonized cats. It was easy. All it involved was typing a few words.

Throughout this recent election season, I found it impossible to avoid demonizing my opponents. I couldn’t seem to stop. I used it as the only way to manage my anger over the intolerance, bigotry and racism that kept spewing forth. I think I also used it to gird myself from the uneasiness I felt, and still feel, knowing that people with so much hatred and fear are living among us.

If I can think of them as being filled with an evil spirit, then, the next act is to write them off, to write them out of my life. They are, after all, beyond redemption. Or are they?

Do you wonder that the dire employment situation has led a large portion of the U.S. to believe that President Obama is their enemy, a demon in disguise? Strong emotion and the agony of not knowing when one might ever work again or be able to afford a home again, could drive people to need some outlet for their fears. Irrational, yes, but necessary to hang onto until things get better. That might explain some of the reaction to our President, but others, the ones who voted for him, clearly see him as a way out of this mess.

Seeing instances of outright racism displayed throughout the last four years, coming from intelligent people as well as the ignorant, made it feel as though I were living in a different U.S. I’ve seen even more of it now in the last few days since President Obama has been elected to another term.

If I consider the source of these fears and paranoia to be ignorance, is it at all possible to reach them through education? I don’t think so. When one is in the midst of a fight and flight response, there’s no way for information to find its way in.

Through these last few years, I’ve unfriended a few people on Facebook and hid the posts of others whose remarks were strident, negative and biased. Yet my posts were just as loudly expressed and condemning of the views of the opposite side.

Well, no one is perfect. But most of us can learn. This doesn’t mean that I’d welcome the angry and partisan back to my Facebook page. But, perhaps, if I can take the volume down and soften the tone, it might just influence others to do the same.

Here’s a simple example showing how I’m putting tolerance into action. Remember: Baby steps. It’s a small start but it’s in the right direction. One of my Facebook friends regularly and frequently posts those photos of cats doing and saying funny things. I’ve found myself clicking “Like” on almost all of them.

Cats stand a chance with me. Perhaps my opponents will, too.

Boston Terrier Attacks Demon Broom

No, I’m Not Going to Gloat

I had a post written a week ago that I edited and rewrote at least four times. The post covered the egregious misstatements made and circulated widely about President Obama for the last four years, including,

  • He’s a Communist/Socialist
  • He’s not an American Citizen
  • He’s a Muslim

And, today, I deleted it. I’m too mentally exhausted to go there. How are you feeling? Mentally and emotionally fatigued?

Granted, I was awake on and off all night long listening to the outcome on my radio. So, that’s where the physical exhaustion comes from. The mental and emotional fatigue has much to do with trying to gird myself against the ridiculous and hateful accusations and insults thrown at our President since he was elected. It’s also weariness that stems from watching a Congress fight with each other for four years and accomplish so very little.

I’m sick of the platitudes, aren’t you? Yes, we all want our elected representatives to “reach across the aisle” and work together. Will they reach across the aisle to discuss a compromise, or will they reach across and pinch the delicate, very sensitive, fleshy underside of their opponent’s upper arm?

That remains to be seen. But compromise won’t happen unless we citizens demand that both sides agree to disagree on some issues, but still move forward and make decisions that allow both sides to feel a win is applauding in the room. We have to write the people we elected and demand they stop making governing more about their chances of returning to office and more about what they can do that moves us even a few inches closer to a solution.

I hope to get a better night’s sleep this night. And I’m sure my dogs do, as well. I was a bit vocal while lying there in bed listening to the radio.

Forward.

Magenta Quail

C MY Kolors

Bullying: What Tyra Banks Is and Isn’t Teaching Us

I’ll confess this today, but please promise you won’t hold it against me. It’s not something I’m proud of at all. I’m working on ridding myself of this habit. It might take an intervention.

I watch America’s Next Top Model. Ugh. It hurt to type that. I need an antacid. But, let me say this: It’s the last season I’m going to watch.

I used to admire Tyra Banks, the creator and host of the show. After all, she was one of the first and most notable in her industry to endorse and even celebrate women who come in larger sizes. She should be commended for her work in encouraging women and young girls to accept their bodies and in not allowing unhealthily skinny girls to appear on her show.

Unfortunately, where she falls down in holding to a higher standard lies with the issue of bullying. In each of ANTM’s episodes you’re privy to sizable segments featuring “off camera” moments when the girls aren’t competing in a structured event. And what we see in those moments are countless, disturbing instances of bullying among the contestants.

At some point in the de-evolution of television, the competition reality show became standard fare. Each station now delivers up an unending variety of shows in which the “stars” compete with each other. By no means is it friendly competition, though. It wasn’t enough for contestants on Survivor to win the challenges; they had to engage in vicious exchanges, backbiting and ganging up against others. Big Brother trapped all of us between four walls, making those of us who couldn’t escape endure constant malicious and venomous exchanges between members of the house. Even the Biggest Loser, attempting worthwhile goals, subjects us to scenes of contestants disparaging other contestants, as if each of them didn’t have enough of an emotional and physical burden to bear. No pun intended.

But we demand it, don’t we? Would we watch if we couldn’t be voyeurs to the bullying and nastiness? Don’t a lot of us get a private thrill when someone shouts down someone else, gets the last word or threatens another into silence? We don’t care about substance; we want winners at all costs. And we want a loser.

The other morning I heard an alarming statistic about the rise of young women being placed in juvenile correction facilities. I may be overreaching here, but I don’t think it’s a stretch to find a correlation between the increase in females to juvenile correction and shows like Jersey Shore and its various odious spawn—shows that feature young women “getting all up in someone’s grille” and generally behaving like thugs. Young girls are learning to glorify girl-on-girl combat. They give a hearty fist pump to the girl who has the fiercest head wag, the loudest comeback, and who makes her opponent back down.

Research on the effects of TV violence have been summarized by the National Institute of Mental Health: ” . . . violence on television does lead to aggressive behavior by children and teenagers who watch the programs. This conclusion is based on laboratory experiments and on field studies. Not all children become aggressive, of course, but the correlations between violence and aggression are positive.”

In the case of ANTM, in every season, at least one contestant is singled out for derision and humiliation. And when she’s kicked off, a replacement for the bullying is found.

The worst part is this: These young wannabe models aren’t judged on their respectful demeanor, teamwork, civility and fair play. Hardly. Tyra Banks and the other judges shower compliments on the contestants’ beauty and ability to master a mean runway walk, while allowing reprehensible behavior to go on in the background. What do you think that’s teaching young girls? Beauty only needs to lie at the surface? That true beauty is just foundation and mascara, which can be washed off each night?

It’s a shame that Ms. Banks doesn’t see her role as also creating responsible, respectful, compassionate and considerate women. But that would make her show entirely too dull, wouldn’t it?

Bullying is a serious issue in our country. Any child who’s been through it can be scarred for life. Any child who’s been through it can end his or her life because of it. Any parent that stands by, knowing that it’s going on, will reap the consequences of their lack of concern. And powerful, notable celebrities could make such a difference if they cared to. I wish Tyra had learned that at Harvard.

You Don’t Know Me (Well Enough to Hurt Me)

Read:
StopBullying.gov

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry – Facts for Families

National Bullying Prevention Center

Cartoon Networks Stop Bullying Campaign

 

Ridiculouser and Ridiculouser wth a Smattering of Trumpalunacy

Donald Trump said on Wednesday that if President Obama releases his college records and his passport application, the mega-millionaire developer will give a $5 million check to charities of Obama’s choosing.

The “Rug” has convinced himself that President Obama took these courses while in college:

1. Marxism: Historical Roots and It’s Relevance Today

2. Socialism 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107

3. Communism: It’s Not Just for Commies Anymore

4. History 135: Great Counterfeits of the 20th Century

5. Race, Criminal Justice, and Taking Down the Man

6. African American Dance

7. Introduction to Economics of the 47%

8. Theory, Practice and the Culinary Arts of Islam

Like any super-sleuth, Trump wants to be thorough, so he asks for Obama’s passport application, which he’s convinced is likely to show that our President stumbled out of an alien spaceship 40 some years ago. Or, worse yet, that Obama is the son of Malcolm X and the Evil Eye of Mordor.

Our nation is fortunate to have a patriot like Trump. He’s generously taken it upon himself to protect our country from usurpers, traitors and people with better hair than his.

You’re fired!

Lord knows none of the rest of us have the time or financial wherewithal to undertake such noble and principled pursuits. Trump isn’t being forced to part with $5 million. After all, Las Vegas needs another garish and tawdry casino/hotel. But our democracy is at stake this year! A black man might just gain a second term as President!

When I was a child, my siblings and I often gave each other gifts that came with strings attached. “I’ll give you my best peashooter if you don’t tell Dad I ate all the cookies.”

“You can have a quarter if you do my chores for me today.”

“I’ll give you a buck if you eat this worm.”

And we’d fall for these exchanges! But we were young and badly in need of trinkets and money. In President Obama’s case, I’m thinking he isn’t going to agree to Trump’s wager. I’m thinking President Obama has better things to do than dally with this pasty fish-monger/harpy. I’m thinking President Obama isn’t going to give Trump the nanosecond of attention he’s so desperate for.

I like word play; I enjoy analogies. So, I’d like you, my readers, to join with me in my very first October Analogy Lollapalooza. I’ll get us started.

Donald Trump’s offer is like:

  1. Saving a cat from a fire only to feed it to your pet crocodile.
  2. Throwing a drowning victim a lifeline and then dynamiting the boat after you disembark.
  3. Telling the pastor at your church you’ll pay for his leaky roof if he’ll tell everyone afterwards he’s lived his life as a male prostitute.
  4. Presenting an orphanage with new mattresses if the owner will agree to selling the orphans to Mongolian sheepherders.
  5. Inviting 35 refugees to live with you if Donald Trump gets dreadlocks and walks up and down Fifth Avenue in a push up bra and a thong.
  6. Allowing people to keep their jobs if they vote the way you want them to.

I hope you get the point. In the comments section below, please join in and supply your own analogies. Let’s have some fun!

But before you go, let me say this: It would be lovely to hear a few words from the most prominent members of the Republican party condemning Trump for pursuing this obnoxious and baseless claim. But I can’t expect much from the party that for the last four years has focused on defeating President Obama, rather than improving the lives of Americans. And so, we have them standing by while the critical issues in this nation get smothered by nonsense, twaddle and theater.

Donald Trump and the others like him have had their 15 minutes. Let’s let the adults take back the country.

By the way, I’ll give Donald Trump $5 million if he’ll admit he’s the experimental offspring of a Shi Tzu and a puffer fish.

Get Thee Behind Me, Election!

I’ve been so absorbed and distracted by the presidential election that I’ve lost complete track of more important news. It could happen to anyone, so I won’t beat myself up too much over it. While I’ve been reading news about the election, the critical issues facing our country, the differing opinions that Romney has had with himself, the differences between the two candidates’ positions, and a smattering of Mid-East and Euro events, quite a few crucial news items escaped my notice.

Hulk Hogan is in full embarrassment mode. He’s dragged the FBI into an incident involving the leaking of a sex tape featuring the reality show actor/wrestler and his BFF’s wife.

Wait, did I get that right? Or, did Hulk Hogan get into hot water with Lindsey Lohan after he cursed out her mom for criticizing Lindsey’s bad beet-red dye job? Okay, now I’m really confused. Wasn’t it Nicki Minaj who cursed out Lindsey Lohan over a comment that Lindsey’s Dad made referring to Nicki’s carnival wig?

I could barely bring myself to write the couple of paragraphs above. Halfway through it, I got supremely bored. Google’s Entertainment section of the news is replete with the most banal, the inconsequential and the stupid. While Rome burns, Katie Holmes tries to sneak unnoticed onto a subway train in New York. While Syria burns, Britney Spears, Rihanna, Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus stumble back into the news with more inane and useless detritus.

But today I realized that I’m hanging on for November 7. Though I feel immensely invested in the outcome of the election, I’m weary of the polls and the media’s relentless coverage. I’m tired of the Facebook conversations, even though I’ve done my fair share of contributing to them. I’ve let a lot of people know more about my political views than I ever thought I would or should. I suspect I’ve lost a few friends in the process. I’ve even questioned the sanity of friends who are supporting the other candidate. I read something recently about the state of mind we’re in during this election cycle—one that describes us as believing the world will come to an end if the other candidate wins.

Sometimes I wonder if the world has been coming to an end for many decades right under our noses. Not the world ending in the religious sense, but the world ending for what used to be a fully participative and representative democracy. Perhaps it’s because I recently watched two films, “Puncture” and “The Constant Gardener” in which huge corporations garnered obscene and destructive influence to prevent and undermine efforts for the common good and the disenfranchised—the invisible and powerless among us. I’ve started to wonder if behind the scenes of the average citizen’s day, while he or she is shopping for groceries, mowing the lawn, and so on, operate immense corporate forces and political power-monsters that are silently and covertly taking over the world to enslave the middle class. And all to the extent that it makes the average citizen’s involvement in the issues of our day—or voting in elections—completely meaningless and futile.

I want the election to be here and gone. Long after it is, though, I’ll know that I can’t step away from the issues that have brought me to be more vocal during this particular election season. So much of what I have read and experienced has made the issues more significant and personal than ever before. I can’t go backwards towards ignorance.

I have to laugh, otherwise I’d weep over this fact: It’s highly likely that I’ve not convinced even one person to vote for my preferred presidential candidate. I doubt that I’ve swayed one single person. However, I do know that my mom remains a pliable and willing victim of my influence, as long as I get to her the moment before she votes. But then again, it won’t even matter. She lives in Texas. It’s a lost cause.

So, I find myself fervently wanting to be distracted by other inconsequential things going on close by my home. After all, I have wandering mountain lions in my neighborhood to fear! More pleasantly are the signs that Autumn is returning to Idaho. There will be leaves to rake, trees to prune and the wintering over of bulbs. My antidote to the serious political, social and economic issues have been photos of dogs, primarily Boston Terriers, and squirrels wearing hats. The need for pleasant interruption feels more important than ever. Stella, my older Boston Terrier approaching her twilight year, reminds me that life is short. I tell her, as I gently nudge her back into the doggie bed, not to rush the morning. It’s Sunday. We need a rest from the serious and topical.

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Lies, More Lies and Lazy Voters. SNAP OUT OF IT!

I suffered, mightily suffered through the first presidential debates last evening. I can’t honestly call Romney’s behavior “presidential,” given the desperate, wild-eyed, amped-up-on-Red Bull behavior he demonstrated. That, and his repetition of bald-faced lies, along with Obama’s hesitant efforts to respond, all gave me a sleepless night.

Put yourself in Obama’s place, however. How do you respond to all the lies told by your challenger in just two minutes? Overwhelmed by blatant untruth describes Obama’s performance during the debates. I’m sure that when the President’s eyes were closed, he was likely trying to visit his happy place.

Here’s the thing that chafes my hide more than anything said by either candidate: Hearing the hordes of newspersons, bloggers and tweeters, seconds after the debate ended, claiming which candidate won the debate and announcing it by using terms we’ve heard used in the aftermath of a sporting match. People behave as though the debates are a football game, rather than an opportunity to learn where the candidates stand on the issues. So what if President Obama looked tired and blinked a few times? So what if debating isn’t his forum? So what if Romney outshouted Jim Lehrer and acted like a petulant toddler on speed? Does that really mean a damn thing in the grand scheme of things?

The fact is, we couldn’t learn much in the way of detailed plans during that painful, lost-forever hour of our lives. Presidential debates simply are not a good means to find out where candidates stand on the issues. There is absolutely no way that in two minutes listeners can hear the intricacies of a decision made on a bill and the particulars behind a deficit-reduction plan or the Affordable Care Act. And, frankly, what with Romney’s nearly acrobatic flip flopping behavior that evening, I’d be surprised if even Paul Ryan knows where he stands on the issues.

And yet another pull-my-hair out and spit issue for me: The willingness of the voting public to let Fox News and other mainstream media personalities help them decide who to vote for. I’ve said it before: people expend more brain power choosing what to order from a McDonald’s menu than they do in picking out a candidate for POTUS. Diners contemplate the calories and fat between the small fries and Big Mac vs. the large fries and a Junior Mac, but won’t take a half hour to do any research related to a candidate’s position on an issue. I am appalled.

By listening in last evening, if you weren’t too busy counting the times Obama looked down and how many times Romney stared into the camera, you might have heard a few new names. Simpson-Bowles and Dodd-Frank came up several times. If you don’t know what these bills entail, is there any excuse not to find out what they’ re all about? Now think back to decades ago, when the Internet wasn’t around. If you heard unfamiliar names and ideas, you’d have to go to the library to find the information. Most of us, including me, were too lazy to make the effort.

But Lordy ME, look at this: Google, or whichever search engines you prefer, are some of the most useful tools available to us. They can act as an antidote to ignorance. Try doing a search on things you come across in the news or posted on Facebook. Heck, when I Googled Simpson-Bowles, I learned an interesting back story describing Paul Ryan’s involvement in the defeat of Simpson-Bowles. Though Romney tried to pin the blame solely on Obama for the bill’s failure, his own running mate’s involvement was described this way:

Stan Collender, a former Democratic staff member of the House and Senate Budget Committees, said that the “primary reason” the plan didn’t advance was that [Paul] Ryan and Camp “indicated that they were against it. If they had supported it, or at least allowed it to move forward, there is a very good likelihood that the plan would have been approved and that a deficit reduction deal would have been reached.”

To Collender, Ryan blaming Obama for the commission’s failure is “disingenuous, misleading and the worst form of hypocritical politics. It’s the political equivalent of killing your parents and then begging the court for mercy because you’re an orphan.”

Sleazy. Smarmy. Dishonest. You can’t tell me that Romney isn’t aware of Ryan’s role in defeating Simpson-Bowles. But did we hear that last evening?

But what about Obama’s rejection of the bill? Obama refused to sign the bill because it “would have raised more revenue without moving the needle much on the overall progressivity of the tax code, meaning that middle-income people would have paid significantly more than they do today.”

Having read enough about Simpson-Bowles, however, I’m fairly certain I wouldn’t have supported it either. One of the most egregious omissions in the bill is the authors’ refusal to touch the financial industry and make them experience any tax consequences. But Erskine Bowles was on the board of Morgan Stanley while he was on the commission, so that doesn’t surprise me. No, it disgusts me.

When the discussion came up about Dodd-Frank, I admit that I wasn’t at all familiar with the bill. I couldn’t evaluate the comments made by either candidate. But, given that Romney kept repeating his criticism about Obama’s support of the Act, I sure did want to know if there was any substance behind it. Remember: Romney claimed that Obama gave five of the largest banks a “blank check” which “contributed to the collapse of smaller banks.”

Did YOU just swallow that statement whole? Or, did you make a note to check that statement out later on? Well, here’s what I found out:

  • One provision created a protocol under which the largest, most complex financial institutions would be wound down safely, without lasting taxpayer burden, should they fail.
  • Nine banks — including five of the largest U.S. banks — have submitted so- called “living wills” to U.S. banking regulators to map out how they would be dismantled under bankruptcy. If their bankruptcies threatened the financial system, Dodd-Frank gave the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. authority to liquidate them itself.

“The Facts: Romney was off base. There is no connection between the failure of community banks and the provision in Dodd-Frank designed to contain the harm from the failure of a big bank. FDIC statistics show that 37 banks, not five, have enough assets to come under that provision.

Since enactment of Dodd-Frank, yet before its provisions are fully implemented, 188 small banks — those with less than $1 billion in assets — have closed, not 122. The trend is down since Dodd-Frank. After peaking in 2010 at 136, the small-bank failures declined last year to 86 and are down to 42 through the first nine months of this year. In the same period, no systemically important bank has gone under, meaning the provision Romney criticized has never been used and wasn’t a factor in the small-bank failures.”

Of course Romney would be opposed to Dodd-Frank, because it regulates the very institutions that he, himself, has been able to manipulate and use to amass his huge wealth.

Good luck, though trying to figure out what Romney’s Medicare plan is all about. He continues to refuse to detail it. He’ll wait until he’s President. You comfy with that? But Romney and Ryan have both made this wild-ass claim: Obama and the Democrats “turned Medicare into a piggy bank to fund Obamacare. They took $716 billion from Medicare to pay for their Obamacare program.” This is an utter, utter falsehood. Why?

  • There isn’t $700 billion in any kind of “piggy bank” to “raid.”
  • The president can’t actually take money out of the trust fund that includes Treasury bonds. Medicare holds those Treasury bonds and can cash them in anytime it needs the money.
  • Without the spending cuts in the Affordable Care Act, the Part A trust fund was expected to be exhausted in 2016. With the ACA cuts, that date was pushed back to 2024.

If you want to get behind the lies told about Obama’s Medicare plan as well as the erroneous assumptions by both candidates about when Medicare will go bankrupt, here’s a good link.

Where do you find the truth? I’m not entirely sure, but I do know it’s not sitting in a chair between the candidates debating on national TV. You’ve got to expend a little bit of energy to find out more; perhaps you’ll find out more than you want to know. But, dammit, if you can spend an hour or two reading the sports section or some cheezy entertainment magazine, you sure as heck can devote some time to learning about the candidates running for political office, your government and how it operates.

Yeah, it’s work for you, it will keep you from doing something else you wanted to do, but it’s a helluva lot more useful than mewling on and on over some falsehood about Obama that you believe has gone about purposefully ruining your life and pursuit of happiness.

And finally, if you truly care at all about making a more informed decision, check out Politifact’s Truth Meter web site. The Truth Meter tests the veracity of statements made by the candidates and claims about them made by others. You can find out how truthful or how close to a flame-out your candidate’s pants are. Because all of the candidates, and probably nearly all politicians, bend the truth, exaggerate, and leave out critical details. So, knowing this, let’s move on and stop complaining that all politicians lie. Let’s seek out the backstory and then make our decisions about whom to put in office.

And to all the voters who feel perfectly comfortable picking a candidate based on his looks, his middle name, or how First Lady-ish his wife appears, please stay home on election day and leave the voting to responsible adults.

For Gawd’s Sake, Women! Then Vote for a Puppy, Why Don’t You?

“He just seemed so genuine… and, uh, nice. Giggle, giggle.”

“He has my vote! He’s so handsome.”

WOMEN. Really? You’re going to vote for Romney because you think he’s handsome and seems nice? Please. Don’t embarrass the rest of us.

Haven’t we made any progress at all, women? Don’t we want to use our brains? Or would we rather cover them up with a cute hairstyle or a trendy hoodie? It shocks the bejeebers out of me when I hear women at Romney campaigns being interviewed on the radio and stumble upon this nonsense flying out of their yaps.

We’re going to have to live with the next president for four years—someone who will affect the way we live and the world we live in, which is a very scary place right now. Are you at all aware that Iran is building nuclear weapons so that they can likely attack Israel? Have you heard about this thing called “Climate Change” at all? Hold on there. No, I’m not talking about putting your summer clothes away and getting out your fall and winter wardrobe. The other Climate Change.

What about the economic crisis that’s battering Europe as well as the U.S.? Heard of that? Aren’t there any causes you can get all uppity about, that might warrant your attention before you get to the voting booth?

Women, I’m suspecting that you’ve all been spending way too much time shopping and making your wardrobe a central part of your existence. Picking out leggings or a new sweater doesn’t fall on the same spectrum, not even in the same universe, as picking the President of the U.S.

As Samuel L. Jackson said the other day: WTFU. Wake, the fiddledysticks up, women. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s unladylike to think more deeply than the 1 millimeter of foundation you’re wearing. The more you make decisions based on superficial qualities, the more likely you give voice to Senator Todd Akin’s, and others like him, Neanderthal views. Disenfranchisement follows closely on the heels of being uninvolved and uttering petty, shallow viewpoints.

The majority of us women are still trying to make it in a man’s world. Yep, we’ve come a long way, it’s true, so don’t reverse our progress and put us back in whalebone corsets. Pick a damn cause! Any cause! There are plenty to choose from these days: abortion rights, global warming, economic policy, healthcare reform—heck, close your eyes and just point to one. But physical appearance is not a cause, unless you’re one of the Kardashians.

The other day, NPR aired an interview with a woman who voiced an opinion that Michelle Obama was not First-Ladylike. This is her primary reason for voting against Obama, who, she says, she “cannot stand to look at.” When given another opportunity to clarify her statement about Mrs. Obama, she pointed to the disgusting and shameful baring of the First Lady’s biceps and her wearing of shorts in public.

“I don’t like his wife. She’s far from the first lady. It’s about time we get a first lady in there that acts like a first lady, and looks like a first lady.”

All right Mrs. Chicken Wings, now go on back to your 1950s cave and stay there.

Sad, huh? How did this woman escape emancipation and the entire woman’s movement? How does she not see that Michelle Obama’s example to all the women in the world is one to be proud of, to celebrate?

Women, let’s please not go backwards. We still only make about 77 cents to a man’s dollar. We’re still dealing with sexual harassment in the military, with rape not being considered a crime, with limiting and degrading female stereotypes in film, art and literature. The majority of us want to move forward out of the rhinestone restraints and the pearl-studded dog collar.

But, hell, if you’re going to operate solely at the brainstem level, if you’re going to make decisions based on physical attributes and they way they strike a chord with your hormones, then let me suggest an alternative candidate for POTUS.

My dog, Stella.

Is there time left to put a puppy on the slate for President? Can I write in my dog, Stella?

Rocking the pinafore. CUUUUUTE!

Who wouldn’t vote for this dear creature? She’s so cute…and nice. Giggle, giggle.

Need some bullet points for backing up Stella as your choice of candidate for POTUS? Here you go:

  • Look at that corkscrew tail! CUUUUUUTE!
  • She wiggles her butt when she walks! CUUUUUUTE!
  • OMG! The way she chews her food! CUUUUUUTE!
  • I just love the sound of her snoring! CUUUUUTE!
  • Wow, that pinafore she’s wearing is adorable! CUUUUUUTE!

Who did her hair? CUUUUUUUTE!

Does this Givenchy make my butt look big? No! CUUUUUUTE!

Oh, yeah, and let me introduce you to her running mate, Sally:

My pearls are at the appraisers.

CUUUUUUUTE!

Percentages and Politics


Warning: The following post contains a whopping dose of sarcasm and criticism about Mitt Romney. Though I try to stay away from politics in this blog, once in a while, I’m simply… overcome with emotion.

Over the years, I’ve developed a strong interest in infographics—the graphical representation of data. Displaying data in a pictorial manner is a legitimate and challenging skill. I’m by far not an expert at it. The purpose behind infographics is to help the viewer achieve a better feel for what the data is trying to tell us.

And so:

1. This week in the news, thanks to a very sneaky attendee at a very private Romney fundraiser, we all became privy to what Romney really thinks about most of us. In calling 47% of Americans, “victims,” Romney revealed his disdain for a lot of us. Erroneously complaining that we don’t pay federal income taxes, Romney got out his big bulldozer and dispensed with us.

John Laird says it in words, instead of pictures, but I like his explanation:

You also have to wonder who are the bigger moochers: the low-income, underemployed, single mothers of America who pay no federal income taxes … or owners of rum distilleries who, Grunwald reports, get $172 million in tax breaks, and NASCAR racetrack owners who get $40 million in tax breaks.

The answer to that question is simple: It’s all a matter of semantics. When it comes to tax breaks, if you’re poor, you’re a moocher. If you’re rich, you’re a job creator.

2. In the next graphic, I admit it gets a little confusing, as percentages sometimes can. Let me explain. Romney apparently believes* that only 53% of people in the U.S. are worthy of his attention. When he’s President, he’ll care about those people and do something to help them. The rest can just sit at home with their welfare babies, super-sized bags of McDonalds’ fries and watch reality TV.

The fact is, Romney actually disdains 99% of the U.S., because only the richest 1% are worthy of his attention. They’re the wealthy donors of his campaign and his friends—the people at his private golf club, members of his country club; well, anyone who doesn’t shop at thrift stores, and U.S. servicemembers, the elderly on fixed incomes, single mothers with two jobs, and so on.

*And he does believe this, because he thought he was speaking in a PRIVATE forum where there were no press or visible cameras.

3. Romney’s taxes—how much he actually pays in taxes—have also been a topic in the news. We now know that Romney frolics around in a 14% tax rate (likely lower). The next graphic is titled, “How Our Respective Tax Rates Feel to Romney vs. Me And People Like Me.” Yes, it’s too long a title. But the image helps clarify, I hope. You see, a meager 14% tax rate to a man who makes multi-millions a year, means nothing. It’s nothing. It’s not noticeable. That 14% tax rate Romney enjoys will never ever have the slightest impact on his lifestyle. Never.


Think about it. You, a person making under $60,000 a year, go to the grocery store and walk past the expensive cuts of meat, the gourmet olives, the higher-priced loaves of bread, the expensive tropical fruit. Or, you might stop and look at them and wonder whether you should just this once… But, you walk away, realizing that you have to make your salary stretch further; you cannot indulge yourself in luxuries.

Now, I confess that my lifestyle is comfortable. I have few wants. I have a roof that’s not leaking yet. I’m nowhere near the situation that others are in. But I can empathize, which is far more than Romney seems capable of. I can imagine only a little how terrifying it might be to live on the edge, to wonder if you’ll be thrown out of your home the next day, or when you might ever own a home again, or where you’ll sleep that night. And, for the sake of our country’s wellbeing, I don’t want this portion of Americans to remain that way. Whether you call it a “handout” or a “hand up,” hundreds of thousands of people in the U.S. shouldn’t be discarded or criticized for finding themselves in a financial situation that was beyond their control. Turn our backs on them? Tell them that you don’t care about them? It’s incredible and despicable. To the hardhearted who complain that too many people are taking advantage of the welfare system: SHUT UP.

Finding statistics about the percentage of people abusing the welfare system is extremely difficult. It has been reported to be as low as 2%. Yet, the people who have applauded Romney’s remarks are certain they’ve seen vast and colossal misuses of welfare (based on the two anecdotal instances they’ve witnessed).

At the upcoming debates between Obama and Romney, the following question has been proposed by Seth Hanlon, Director of Fiscal Reform at the Center for American Progress Action Fund. Go to his blog post to see the others.

 

Question:

Your 14 percent tax rate –- not to mention the approximately 10 percent tax rate you would have paid had you not inflated it — is less than what many middle-class Americans pay. And you paid just 0.2% of your income in payroll taxes, while most Americans pay about 15%. Do you think that is fair?

Oh, please, oh, please, moderators, ASK THAT QUESTION!

And ask this one, too:

What was the purpose of your Swiss bank account and the myriad offshore entities shown on your return, based in countries like the Cayman Islands and Luxembourg, if not to avoid taxes?

Percentages. Graphics. Words. Video. No matter how you show it, it stinks to high heaven. One hundred percent of us deserve better than this from our next President.

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