Ridiculouser and Ridiculouser wth a Smattering of Trumpalunacy

Donald Trump said on Wednesday that if President Obama releases his college records and his passport application, the mega-millionaire developer will give a $5 million check to charities of Obama’s choosing.

The “Rug” has convinced himself that President Obama took these courses while in college:

1. Marxism: Historical Roots and It’s Relevance Today

2. Socialism 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107

3. Communism: It’s Not Just for Commies Anymore

4. History 135: Great Counterfeits of the 20th Century

5. Race, Criminal Justice, and Taking Down the Man

6. African American Dance

7. Introduction to Economics of the 47%

8. Theory, Practice and the Culinary Arts of Islam

Like any super-sleuth, Trump wants to be thorough, so he asks for Obama’s passport application, which he’s convinced is likely to show that our President stumbled out of an alien spaceship 40 some years ago. Or, worse yet, that Obama is the son of Malcolm X and the Evil Eye of Mordor.

Our nation is fortunate to have a patriot like Trump. He’s generously taken it upon himself to protect our country from usurpers, traitors and people with better hair than his.

You’re fired!

Lord knows none of the rest of us have the time or financial wherewithal to undertake such noble and principled pursuits. Trump isn’t being forced to part with $5 million. After all, Las Vegas needs another garish and tawdry casino/hotel. But our democracy is at stake this year! A black man might just gain a second term as President!

When I was a child, my siblings and I often gave each other gifts that came with strings attached. “I’ll give you my best peashooter if you don’t tell Dad I ate all the cookies.”

“You can have a quarter if you do my chores for me today.”

“I’ll give you a buck if you eat this worm.”

And we’d fall for these exchanges! But we were young and badly in need of trinkets and money. In President Obama’s case, I’m thinking he isn’t going to agree to Trump’s wager. I’m thinking President Obama has better things to do than dally with this pasty fish-monger/harpy. I’m thinking President Obama isn’t going to give Trump the nanosecond of attention he’s so desperate for.

I like word play; I enjoy analogies. So, I’d like you, my readers, to join with me in my very first October Analogy Lollapalooza. I’ll get us started.

Donald Trump’s offer is like:

  1. Saving a cat from a fire only to feed it to your pet crocodile.
  2. Throwing a drowning victim a lifeline and then dynamiting the boat after you disembark.
  3. Telling the pastor at your church you’ll pay for his leaky roof if he’ll tell everyone afterwards he’s lived his life as a male prostitute.
  4. Presenting an orphanage with new mattresses if the owner will agree to selling the orphans to Mongolian sheepherders.
  5. Inviting 35 refugees to live with you if Donald Trump gets dreadlocks and walks up and down Fifth Avenue in a push up bra and a thong.
  6. Allowing people to keep their jobs if they vote the way you want them to.

I hope you get the point. In the comments section below, please join in and supply your own analogies. Let’s have some fun!

But before you go, let me say this: It would be lovely to hear a few words from the most prominent members of the Republican party condemning Trump for pursuing this obnoxious and baseless claim. But I can’t expect much from the party that for the last four years has focused on defeating President Obama, rather than improving the lives of Americans. And so, we have them standing by while the critical issues in this nation get smothered by nonsense, twaddle and theater.

Donald Trump and the others like him have had their 15 minutes. Let’s let the adults take back the country.

By the way, I’ll give Donald Trump $5 million if he’ll admit he’s the experimental offspring of a Shi Tzu and a puffer fish.

45 thoughts on “Ridiculouser and Ridiculouser wth a Smattering of Trumpalunacy

  1. One of my students asked me today, after a discussion about the upcoming election, “So has anyone really had any proof that Obama was born in Hawaii?”
    Poor kid.
    He’s still trying to recover from my response, which was something along the lines of , “YES. YES. Absolutely. Only a few idiots are still questioning this bunch of nonsense.”
    I’m awaiting his Dad’s email right now……

  2. This is wonderful. I love it. If he was white, non of this shit would matter. It’s so stupid. He bowed to the Queen of England. You bow to royalty. That doesn’t take a rocket scientist. Are we going on with the muslim thing still people? Give it up. He’s more Christian than the Mormon who the Religious Right are endorsing!!

  3. You know, Trump does shit like this when his “I’m-not-getting-enough-attention” meter is registering low ratings. And it’s got to irk him some that the dog with the toupee makes it look so much more natural than his.

    • He’s an attention whore for sure. I love Obama’s take on Trump’s never-ending conspiracy theory: “We had constant run-ins on the soccer fields,” Obama told “Tonight Show” host Jay Leno during a tongue-in-cheek knock on Trump Wednesday night. “He wasn’t very good and resented it. When we finally moved to America, I thought it would be over.”

  4. Love the post… but will not offer an analogy because have nothing as witty to say. However… I will admit that I can’t believe I spent so much time yesterday checking online news to see exactly what Trump’s big reveal would be. Never again will I be sucked in by that thatched-hut carnival barker. How could I have forgotten the essential truth stated here by lbwoodgate… that Trump only creates ridiculous “news” when he’s feeling neglected because he’s emotionally a two-year-old.

    • I’m embarrassed to admit that I did the same thing! All of us, including me, have to stop paying attention to the noise. Trump has an audience, needs an audience and will never go away unless we ignore him. But I couldn’t resist writing this post! I’m weak. I admit it.

  5. Donald Trump is a joke, and little more than a gifted snake oil salesman. Only the lunatic fringe take him seriously.
    BTW…I made a fortune eating worms as a kid.

  6. Oh love the comment about bowing. Another fox noise sipper. Guess he was never told by Fox that Bush bowed too, and held hands with the King and kissed him on his cheek. Geesh. brainwashed right wing. I love Trump, he gives us a good laugh with his craziness, and since we know he’s just another racist, we can consider the source. I think the the Prez should take him up on the offer IF: The Donald agrees to have his head meticulously investigated by a trained beautician on camera so we can see the bizarre fake hair grooming swirl job he has invented to avoid the obvious baldness that is hidden therein.

  7. So if, in the future, it turns out that the best candidate for president is a Muslim, it should make a difference? And we’re still throwing around words like socialist and communist, as though a person’s personal views about economics and politics somehow makes them evil? Are we ever going to get past this stuff?

    • Oh, Charles… This election season has brought out so much bigotry, ridiculous insults and ethnic slandering. Will we get past this stuff is a million dollar question. We’re so far from being a socialist or communist country that it’s laughable. I certainly never thought I’d be called a socialist just because I have some compassion for those worse off. And, believe me, I do believe in personal responsibility, but gee – how do I benefit from people doing worse than me?

  8. Donald Trump’s offer is like:
    winning the lottery…..under the condition that you remarry your ex-wife.

    Being offered a deluxe cruise, all expenses paid, around the world if you are willing to share a cabin with Pat Robertson.

    Discovering a cure for cancer the day before Armageddon.

    ok…. do I win a doughnut or sumptin?

  9. What’s a “Donald Trump”? Is he one of those unreality TV show people like “Snooki”?

    I give them the one thing they cannot stand… I completely, totally, utterly ignore them and pretend they don’t exist.

    • A Donald Trump is eventually going to be a verb and a noun. You just wait. The definition will have something to do with using one’s vast wealth to make a fool of himself. You’re right, though. We do really need to stop paying them any attention.

      • //eventually going to be a verb and a noun.// isn’t it already? Like, see,

        “I would love to go out with you Saturday, but I have to Trump my hair.” OR..

        .” Sure, I will pay you… The Trump is in the mail!” or…

        “Don;t count your Trumps until they are Booby-Hatched” Or, maybe…

        “You can’t tell a Trump by his Birth Certificate”

        ” A Trump and his money are parted on the radical right”

        ” I would love to, Darling, but will you Trump me in the morning?”

        …o oh oh… this is too much fun. I best take my medications and lay down….see, now I am thinking Shakespeare….

        To be, or not to be: that is the Trump:
        Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
        The slings and arrows of outrageous Trump,
        Or to take arms against a sea of Trumps,
        And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
        No more; and by a sleep to say we end
        The heart-ache and the thousand natural Trumps
        That flesh is hair to,….

  10. Hey…. I like this thread… a lot… it has so much promise to be Trumplicious…. which is what? an adverb or an adjective? Never was good at that stuff… anywayz.. I had to mention this on my blog and encourage both of my readers to stop by here….. I just hope no one ‘Goes Trump” on you……cause a ‘Trump on the FOX is worth two in his Hair..’

    • I like this thread, too! I think that would be a noun but it could be an adjective if it were modifying a noun. A Trumplicious embarrassment, e.g. I resist making Trump a part of our evolving dictionary, however. I’d like him to just disappear. I wonder if that man has any fans at all…

  11. This post made me laugh hard. My favourite analogy is number five. I’d pay good money to see that happen. Hell, I’d offer up a donation of my air money to charity to make sure it happens.

    What’s wrong with this man? Doesn’t he know when to let it lie? Between your country’s arrogant tool with his candy flossed comb over and a DJ, here in Blighty, who we discover a year after his death was a prolific paedo, I’m not sure which of us is worse off!

  12. Pingback: This Is For Real Folks! « Woodgate's View

  13. You may be amused to know that when I was a child here in Britain, trump was a word for a fart. Oops I just trumped and it smells. I did a huge stinky trump, sorry. Yep, it seems appropriate :)

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