Donald Trump said on Wednesday that if President Obama releases his college records and his passport application, the mega-millionaire developer will give a $5 million check to charities of Obama’s choosing.
The “Rug” has convinced himself that President Obama took these courses while in college:
1. Marxism: Historical Roots and It’s Relevance Today
2. Socialism 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107
3. Communism: It’s Not Just for Commies Anymore
4. History 135: Great Counterfeits of the 20th Century
5. Race, Criminal Justice, and Taking Down the Man
6. African American Dance
7. Introduction to Economics of the 47%
8. Theory, Practice and the Culinary Arts of Islam
Like any super-sleuth, Trump wants to be thorough, so he asks for Obama’s passport application, which he’s convinced is likely to show that our President stumbled out of an alien spaceship 40 some years ago. Or, worse yet, that Obama is the son of Malcolm X and the Evil Eye of Mordor.
Our nation is fortunate to have a patriot like Trump. He’s generously taken it upon himself to protect our country from usurpers, traitors and people with better hair than his.
Lord knows none of the rest of us have the time or financial wherewithal to undertake such noble and principled pursuits. Trump isn’t being forced to part with $5 million. After all, Las Vegas needs another garish and tawdry casino/hotel. But our democracy is at stake this year! A black man might just gain a second term as President!
When I was a child, my siblings and I often gave each other gifts that came with strings attached. “I’ll give you my best peashooter if you don’t tell Dad I ate all the cookies.”
“You can have a quarter if you do my chores for me today.”
“I’ll give you a buck if you eat this worm.”
And we’d fall for these exchanges! But we were young and badly in need of trinkets and money. In President Obama’s case, I’m thinking he isn’t going to agree to Trump’s wager. I’m thinking President Obama has better things to do than dally with this pasty fish-monger/harpy. I’m thinking President Obama isn’t going to give Trump the nanosecond of attention he’s so desperate for.
I like word play; I enjoy analogies. So, I’d like you, my readers, to join with me in my very first October Analogy Lollapalooza. I’ll get us started.
Donald Trump’s offer is like:
- Saving a cat from a fire only to feed it to your pet crocodile.
- Throwing a drowning victim a lifeline and then dynamiting the boat after you disembark.
- Telling the pastor at your church you’ll pay for his leaky roof if he’ll tell everyone afterwards he’s lived his life as a male prostitute.
- Presenting an orphanage with new mattresses if the owner will agree to selling the orphans to Mongolian sheepherders.
- Inviting 35 refugees to live with you if Donald Trump gets dreadlocks and walks up and down Fifth Avenue in a push up bra and a thong.
- Allowing people to keep their jobs if they vote the way you want them to.
I hope you get the point. In the comments section below, please join in and supply your own analogies. Let’s have some fun!
But before you go, let me say this: It would be lovely to hear a few words from the most prominent members of the Republican party condemning Trump for pursuing this obnoxious and baseless claim. But I can’t expect much from the party that for the last four years has focused on defeating President Obama, rather than improving the lives of Americans. And so, we have them standing by while the critical issues in this nation get smothered by nonsense, twaddle and theater.
Donald Trump and the others like him have had their 15 minutes. Let’s let the adults take back the country.