In my last blog post, we talked about online support forums and their propensity to drive us down a rabbit hole searching for the answer to our computer or software problems.
Well, this is the forum to end all forums. This is the Mother of All Forums.
I’ve compiled this list of questions and answers to our most vexing and universal technology problems. No need to visit a dozen or more forums, search bleary eyed for solutions, and ultimately leave frustrated, wishing that humanity would fall into Dante’s inferno—or into your backyard fire pit. You’ll want to bookmark this for future reference. Read on.
1. I typed a comment but it’s not showing up!
I’m having the same problem!
So am I!
I am, too, and my cat has a bladder infection!
You only THINK you typed a comment. But thinking a smart ass, witty reply isn’t the same thing as actually typing it and clicking “Post Comment,” is it? Stop living inside your head. It’s dark there and the stuff is starting to smell.
2. I can’t upload a video!
I can’t upload a video, either!
Why can’t I upload a video?!
Me, too and why does my washing machine make that awful screeching sound?!
No one, absolutely no one, wants to see a chronicling of your trip to Disney World with your four children of the Apocalypse. You might think it’s cute—their terrorizing the other patrons, stumbling through crowds, cotton candy glued to their grubby little mugs, the high-pitched squalling with joy—but the rest of us feel actual pain witnessing these displays. And, rubbing salt into the wound is not an attractive trait. We all struggle with the enduring memory of our childhood jaunt to that colossal money trap and well remember our parents’ attempt to sell us to the nearest childless couple. But to get to the point, uploading videos to overflow the steaming pile already there—well, the Internet does have its limits, you know.
3. I can’t connect to the Internet!
I’ve been trying for hours and I still can’t get a connection!
Will someone please help me get on the Internet and find my spare car keys?
Well, you’ve done it again. Your propensity to make YOUR problems OUR problem is getting tiresome. We can’t be responsible for your own inability to form meaningful relationships, to connect with your fellow humans, no matter how often you come back to this forum to complain. Examine your life. Acknowledge that the moment in your infancy when your parents took your binky away for the last time, has scarred you into your adulthood. Don’t tune out, plug in. BE AVAILABLE.
4. My Facebook/Twitter/LinkedIn page doesn’t look the same as it did yesterday!
Neither does mine!
I’ve been complaining about that for weeks!
Same here, and the grocery store is out of the mega size tortilla chips that I need for my mammoth nachos!
Things change. Holding onto the past as though it were the comforting, yielding bosom of your favorite grandmother, will only lead to disappointment and despondency. Do you look the same as you did yesterday or two weeks ago? I doubt it. Humans must evolve to survive—to survive global warming, new intestinal bugs, and Windows 7.8 gazillion. Try adapting to the latest look. Try giving in and going with the flow. Admit your powerlessness.
5. Office 2011 stopped working!
Mine has, too!
For three weeks I’ve been complaining and no answer!
Neither is mine and my new pair of running shoes are giving me blisters!
Sometimes we all just need a break from the routine, from responsibilities, from obligations. Don’t you ever want to get off this crazy carousel, launch yourself into a deck chair and booze yourself into oblivion? Don’t read too much into this problem you’ve posted here. It’s probably not you or anything to do with you. You’d be surprised at how things just sort of fix themselves if you leave them alone for a while. Then, when they return, they’re either different, but better different, or the same familiar, predictable experience. Neither is bad; it’s all in how you look at it.
You’ve come to the end and you’re complaining that this is too short a list of problems. You don’t understand, do you? All of technology’s problems, in fact, all of life’s problems, can be handled in brevity. In reality, there aren’t that many different problems facing us, whether in romantic relationships, workplace dilemmas, or computer glitches. In actuality, there are only about five to seven. That’s all our tiny nugget brains can handle—any more and we’d implode.
You can watch 50 episodes of Jerry Springer, 50 episodes of Oprah Winfrey, 50 episodes of Ellen, and 2 episodes of Survivor and the problems will all be the same. It doesn’t matter whether you’re camping out on Borneo or appearing on a Hollywood set tackling another guest. You can also waste hours reading the questions and answers on other online forums. But don’t.
Remember, if you insist on checking out other tech support forums besides this one, you can substitute the name of your spouse, mate, boyfriend, girlfriend, dad, mom for any of the nouns in the answers and you’ll have the solution to your relationship, workplace and financial problems. But, again, why venture away from this forum-to-end-all forums? All the answers to what’s troubling your tender heart are here.
Technology, and Some Relationship, Reading