A person could drive herself crazy over the places her brain takes her. Well, we all could, really. Trying to make sense of what goes on in this world engages every brain cell. Eventually, the cells that have to do the figuring out become fatigued. Then the other brain cells, the B-team cells, take over. But they’re left to manage all this fear and confusion lurking behind the shrubbery in our heads, which leap out when we’re feeling fragile, vulnerable and weak. And, so, our brains, now working only with the B-team up at bat, sort through all the clutter and come up with false correlation, coincidence, and conspiracy.
Not too long ago, a coworker of mine told me that the Apollo moon landing is believed by some to be a conspiracy—a hoax foisted on the American public because we couldn’t let the Russians think we were lame players in the space exploration field. Armstrong and Aldrin never walked on the moon. They stepped off a kitchen ladder, purchased from Home Depot, made to look like the steps coming down from the spaceship Apollo. The entire scene was in the back lot of NASA HQ on a movie set with Styrofoam props for moon rocks and dirt. It was all done with cameras and skilled film cutting. I was horrified when I heard this. I quickly navigated away from the moon landing conspiracy site for fear that someone in IT would report me for being a communist.
Apparently, quite a few people still cling to the belief that Area 51 in Nevada is home to a secret government testing facility. Aliens are brought there to be tested, analyzed, fitted for army combat gear, given a smartphone and taught to speak English like a native. An entire gated community of elderly aliens is living in Area 51, retired from their stints as government lab animals. Picture them sitting in front of the TV, remote in hand, scratching their alien backsides.
We’ve also got to be suspicious of naturally occurring or manmade phenomena, such as “chem trails.” Chem trails are the puffy vapors left behind by airplanes as they travel through our skies. Some people believe that the government uses the planes to dispense chemicals to control the weather, the population, vaccinate against disease, and so on. I look at them and say, “Ooh. Pretty!”
Another sleepless fringe element has long claimed that barcodes are a government or corporate plot to control us. Some of these imaginative folk believe that “666″ or “the mark of the beast” is embedded in every product bar code in America, allowing Satan to infiltrate our lives beyond the occasional swear word and office supply theft. The bar code scanner is the eye of Satan. He sees us buying that bag of Cheetos and thinks, “Ah, another one in my grasp.”
Here’s another one: I like this conspiracy theory, because it’s directed against my nemesis, Microsoft. Microsoft created the popular Wingdings font and includes it with their Windows operating system. But it just so happens that the character sequence, NYC is rendered as:
Some people interpreted this collection of symbols as approving the killing of Jews, especially those living in New York City. Of course, Microsoft strongly denied this arrangement of symbols was intentional, that it was simply random. Ok, I’ll certainly buy that, but I still think Microsoft is trying to claim world domination and make me get rid of my Mac.
Far more heinous and insidious are the conspiracy theories having to do with the assertion that the Holocaust didn’t happen and that Obama’s birth certificate was faked; therefore, he’s not legitimately allowed to be President of the U.S. To develop that kind of conspiracy manufacturing takes irrational fear, hatred and racism, and possibly a lot of mushrooms.
It seems to me that only a little bit of energy goes into developing conspiracy theories, making false correlations and drawing crazy conclusions from coincidence, but a ton of effort (and money) goes into sustaining them. What a waste. Facts die a quick death under those circumstances. And talk show hosts make millions out of duping their listeners into spreading the lies and conspiracies. It’s not even remotely as innocent as the childhood game, “rumor,” in which one kid whispers something into the next kid’s ear, and so on.
The other kind of “adult” conspiracy mongering and its dissemination destroys lives and careers and leads voters to make frightful decisions. And, yet, we have leaders in our government, such as John Boehner, who refuse to state emphatically that claims about Obama’s birth and a conspiracy to cover it up, are lies. LIES. Just a 4-letter word is all it would take from them and other influential folks to end it all now. And then we could get on to the business of making the U.S. a better place to live for all. That is, after all, the job of our elected officials, right?
The conspiracy mongering benefits the group that holds onto it and spreads it. At the root of all conspiracies is a deep hatred for and demonization of a person, a culture, a group. Fear of individuals and these groups is the engine that keeps the conspiracy theory running. People who hang on to conspiracy theories need to work at getting to the root of the fear that sustains it. A conspiracy theory has deep roots that can get a firm hold on us, though.
I admit that I’ve got a few personal conspiracy theories remaining in my head. They’re sitting on a shelf tucked into a corner gathering dust. One of them involves the underwire bra. For years I believed that the underwire bra was a conspiracy developed by men to keep us women so distracted by the pointy end poking into our boobs, that we’d never notice we’re still making 77 cents to their dollar (in 2008). Then I found out the underwire bra was invented by a woman. I wonder how many men she conspired with to drive up sales for her torture device.
Another conspiracy theory I developed comes back to me once in a while. In 1971, my parents and my grandma took me to New York City to see the Dick Cavett show live. I can only recall one of the guests on the show: JI Rodale, proponent of healthy eating, organic food and a healthy lifestyle.
I’ll never forget the interview between Cavett and the 72-year old Rodale. Rodale spent most of the time talking about and promoting a healthy lifestyle. His most memorable words, probably the last he uttered, were:
“I never felt better in my life. I’ve decided to live to be a hundred.”
Then Cavett brought in his next guest who sat down next to Rodale. As Cavett was interviewing Pete Hamill, Rodale’s head dropped to his chest and he let out what sounded like a snore. Cavett looked at him in amusement and asked, “Are we boring you, Mr. Rodale?” He didn’t get a response. Mr. Rodale was dead. We in the audience were all asked to leave, and to this day, the tape of this show has never been aired. Apparently, Cavett has it locked up in a safe somewhere.
There still remains just a little fragment of suspicion in my mind. Could it be that all of the fast food companies got together and conspired to do away with Rodale because the health food guru was such a threat to their profits? Or, that God heard him and said, “Oh, yeah? I decide when you’re kicking the bucket, Mr. Granola and Grains.”
Or, it’s just plain ironic coincidence. Chew on that, folks.
The Protection Helmet by Snoring Dog Studio
You’ve hit the nail on the head. Conspiracy theories are rooted in fear, disdain, and an inability to process the complex information we receive from our world.
And sadly, people seem to WANT to be mislead. They can’t expend the energy, and often don’t have the will, to look closely at the complex information. Is reality all that difficult to deal with? I guess it is for some folks.
I love this post. Although, I am very unhappy to learn that the idea I was toying with for a purely fictional fantasy novel is, in actuality, a wacky conspiracy theory. It never occurred to me to actually research whether people already believed that “Dinosauroid-like Alien Reptiles are dominating the World” – http://www.2spare.com/item_43133.aspx. I wonder if Dan Brown had the same thought (which would be: “WTF!?”) after publishing the “Da Vinci Code.”
Icke is icky. What a weirdo. That’s the thing about some of these conspiracy theories — you can’t easily disprove the very nutty ones. But, as Charles says, you can ask, “But WHY?”
Totally great! Love it!
to a wacko conspiracy theorist, every new fact somehow fits to support the thesis. That’s the beauty of it. They only become more sure with each passing day. Beck is claiming that the sexual assault of the reporter “proves” this claims about the caliphate. Well, of course it does Glenn, and the sunny temperatures in the 60′s here in Iowa today, also do that. Yep. Crazy people are called crazy for a reason.
Beck is an entire conspiracy of his own. I’d hate to be in his head. All that fear and torment would make me leap off an overpass. Hmmm.
Yea, too bad we can’t push the conspiracy theorist off the edge of our flat world. I loved reading this post. It made me smile, frown, growl, and laugh some more. Did Mr. Rodale REALLY die before your very nose on the Dick Cavett show? That’s just crazy… A less grounded person would still be in counseling over that!
Oh, yeah, I watched the entire thing. I don’t know what my teenage head thought about at the time. But it apparently got burned into my memory. Perhaps if Mr. Rodale hadn’t made those comments before he passed, it wouldn’t have stuck with me.
I can believe that Dick would put that video away!
I wonder if the folks who create these theories sit back and laugh at the masses who cultivate and propagate them?
In your fabulous painting of the Helmet, did you paint in a wire in her bra?
Other than the one about Elvis faking his own death, I doubt the people who generate the theories are satirists, too.
I gave up underwire bras about 15 years ago. In fact, I’m a camisole wearer now. I don’t let anything bind or poke me unless I agree to it.
The thing I find most interesting about conspiracy theories is how little sense they make, and how most of them can be taken apart by simply asking, “Why?” For example, the idea that the US government rigged the September 11 attacks. The government killed three thousand American citizens, caused billions of dollars in property damage, compromised the security of the Pentagon, and completely undermined its own economy? Why? The explanation I’ve heard about chemtrails is that the government is spraying chemicals over populated areas in order to intentionally cause outbreaks of disease such as diabetes. But why?
About the moon landings: I’ve never heard anyone who’s old enough to remember the Apollo missions call them a hoax. The people making these claims typically weren’t even alive back then, yet they have access to secret information that somehow eluded every scientist, journalist, and world leader. And coincidentally, the hoax-claimers just happen to be selling books and videotapes. It’s become an industry all its own. Besides, the idea that Armstrong and Aldrin weren’t really on the moon in 1969 — and that they stepped down from a ladder purchased at Home Depot — is ridiculous. The first Home Depot store didn’t even open until 1979. So there.
No, kidding! I never really thought of asking the “why” – what an excellent observation. It all comes down to motivation, really. Sadly, though, a lot of the people who are harboring conspiracy theories just keep repeating them, crowding out any moment of doubt they might have. The noise of fear is often much too loud to explore the why. Great comments as always, Charles.
i can’t type a very long comment, because i think there’s a terrorist anchor baby living across the street from me, and i think he’s watching me from his crib near the window.
p.s. the underwire bra may have been invented by a woman, but i’m pretty sure that men invented pantyhose and stiletto heels, and their motives were what you stated. bastards.
Oh, I’m sure there’s a baby terrorist across the street, plotting the unspeakable at the same time he or she is soiling their diaper. Conspiracies are all around us. Some are quite stinky. And about the pantyhose and stilettos? You make a man walk a mile in those — heck, make him walk to the fridge, and he’d scream, “There oughta’ be a law against it!”
From fluoride in the water to the faked moon landing, I find these conspiracy theories fascinating. Your painting of the tin foil hat wearer just cracked me up!!
Thank you, Spinny! The theories are fascinating – the minds they come from, though – scary.
Maybe some0ne is conspiring so that we have something else to keep us awake at night.
I really enjoyed the post (I didn’t even know about the bar code conspiracy and the Microsoft one) and I do share your view on wire bras. Someone out there must be laughing their head off, rolling in a pile of money, while women all over the world are feeling like needle cushions.
Thank you, Lavi – fortunately, most of these conspiracies are so ridiculous, it’s unlikely I’d lose sleep over them, but I bet a lot of people do. I’m so glad you stopped by!
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